There are controversial arguments about faking it till making it. Some say it is sad to see people faking to be someone they are not and some claim it is cheating.

Couple of years ago there was a story about a 4-year old boy, Finlay Lomax, who was born premature and had a stroke right after and the doctors told, he would never walk. The story changed after his mother brought home a lame duckling. Finley started mimicking the duck who was struggling to walk even that he needed casting like Finlay. Finlay was able to copy the duck and make his first steps.

How do we learn things in life? I would say, most of the skills and ways of doing things in life we have learned through faking! I see this process every day looking at my children playing and hearing them communicating. They use the same words and tone of voice I do, they imitate my behaviors in their games every day, they imitate their teachers at school, their friends. By noticing this and sometimes not liking what I notice, I learn from them and I search for alternative ways of expressing myself, we search examples of “better” ways of dealing with life all the time and we imitate the “better” ways and there are always people who will imitate us. The bad news is that the same way we obtain the unwanted behaviors.

I know there are many people arguing that faking it will not help making it. The ever so popular topic of weight loss for example. There are millions of people in the world who have tried faking it, tried to act as if they were happy in their body and as if they are loosing weight and yet they find themselves in the same or sometimes worse place than before.

Why some faking will not result in making? The answer lies in unconscious. Conscious faking is a good start, but when we do not accompany unconscious to it, we will soon turn back to our old ways of doing things.

What are the keys for successful faking then?

1. Choose a model to copy very carefully

When you have figured out what it is that you want to master, find someone, who does this thing perfectly. For example, when you want to have a slim body naturally and without big effort, find someone, who lives a healthy lifestyle and who is never struggling with weight.

1. Monitor the model

Learn the ways the model functions about the issue you want to have. Really study HOW someone does the thing you want to do. Learn the way the model thinks, breathes, moves.

With the weight loss example you should study exactly the model’s attitudes towards food and exercise and his/her body. Do not mix it up with people telling you what you should do or how you should think. This is crucial! At this stage, all you need to do, is to find out how the model does it! Do not ask for advice on how to achieve it, ask, how do they operate about the issue!

1. Mind copy the model

It means that in your mind you do exactly how the model does. You think of your life and you live the life in your mind with the ways of moving, breathing, thinking like the model does. SEE yourself as having what you want to have. FEEL yourself having what you want to have, HEAR people talking to you, what are they saying? FEEL yourself looking at the food and thinking about it just like the model would, EXPERIENCE yourself exercising just like the model would, LOOK at the world around you through your eyes, but with new thoughts, breathing rhythm and attitude.

1. Live the new life!

Now do it for real. Go out and live your life every minute with these new thoughts and attitudes and values and beliefs. In order for the new thoughts and attitudes and beliefs to settle in nice and deep, do not stop practicing the mind copying exercise!

First things that you will start noticing are your old thoughts and ways of thinking coming back. When working with weight issues, you will notice yourself thinking about the food or thinking about forcing yourself to exercise because you know this is the right thing to do. At these moments stop and remember – the person who has it already, how would he/she think and act at this point and correct your state.

In reality we often tend to cooperate with people with similar issues when trying to solve them. People even form clubs for that 🙂 Isn’t it nice to talk to people who have the same worries we do! With some people who have extremely strong will, it may work, but with the most of us, it doesn’t. It is much easier to complain together and go even deeper in the problem. The key to success is to cooperate with people who already have what you are after, to really learn the deep structure of their way of dealing with the topic in their lives and adopting the structure, not trying to achieve the result.

And, well, not without homework 🙂 Learn a new skill over the next week. For example whistle with fingers, juggling (either hands or legs), some dance move, anything! The key is not to let people tell you how to do it, but look at them performing it, may be video. Notice all the aspects – breathing, tensions in body, every little detail! And then do it 🙂 Please feel free to give me some feedback!